Friday, 4 November 2016

033: of pouring your heart out


I write. A lot. But sometimes, its hard to find a proper word, the right word to explain what actually goes in-out of your mind. Yet, we still find a way to express it in words. Pouring all those chocked feelings because we just want to shout it out. Verbally, or atleast on paper.

I used to pen it out, either in my long list of unpublished drabble (sometimes I do lol) either it tooks form of fiction as a facade or simply the real dialogue, situations. Things. I write with emotions, sometimes to extend where I can't continue finish the piece because I get all emotional over ten words typed in the computer. Can you even believe diz? T_T Aku ada soft-spot yang takboleh disentuh lansung, memang terabur emosi aku dibuatnya.

But when it comes to reality, the real life - I wasn't that expressive, all way long since primary school. Even my bestfriends prove this, saying how they were so curious about what I actually kept to myself whichI would usually just brush it off thinking that no ones want to listen my stories. I am that type of person who pays close-attention to reaction. I have trust issue, guys lol. When I found ones that could intently give their attention to me, I'm good. Fixing that habits now, tho.

I talked about this to one of my lecturers (sucessfully without tearing up) that I thought those certain incidents happened back when I was younger did not affects me at all but nah, its shaped me into this me right. Myself did get affected, afterall. See, I get emotional easily. Lol. It happens, yet I still believe the idea that the past is the things that shape you now and I am, sincerely, grateful of where I am standing right now.

Dan sebenarnya, aku rasa bersalah sebab takmampu nakcakap 'I Miss You' even 'I Love You' towards my loved ones. It just something that I can't bring myself to do. Few of my friends did pick about this once - telling how they are the only one who miss me and me not TT_TT I can just blurt the words out, just to satisfy them but that is not my style. Aku selalu gelak je lol lepastu dengar bebelan panjang depa. Halwa telinga.

But being verbal is important right?
Being verbally expressive is also important is it?

Capturing the gestures, emotions, tones, most importantly the words lagi best by being verbally expressive.
But theres nothing wrong if you find letters and words yang disusun atas kertas lagi senang untuk mewakili emosi waktu tu.

Ana used to say this to me, "Ha elok lah, nanti suami isteri main balas surat je. Bercakap guna memo dengan kertas."

I can be sweeter than that.
Tapi kena cari calon dulu ah.

May Allah ease everything :DD


Husna Rahman said...

so cute apa bebalas memo cenggitu....haha..
for better need to change la..

faten.banana said...

undeniably cute :DDD tapi nanti stress hahahahahaha

zaatira zainuddin said...

Jagiya, saranghae muah muah 😂

faten.banana said...